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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in anafriends' LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
7:53 am
Hello! Basically I have had an ed for a long time, gained a lot of weight due to binges and trying to get myself back on track. I'm 28, and want so badly to be how I used to be when I actually had control.
Saturday, August 17th, 2013
1:44 pm
here we gooo
sup y'all!

I'm looking for like-minded lj friends and ana buddies so add me!
Monday, May 6th, 2013
2:23 pm
Hi I'm new here :)
Been in partial recovery on my own for a couple years but never went more than 1 year without a purge. I have had anorexia and bulimia since 1999 and before that was always doing starvation diets off & on.

I just turned 39 and thought " What a great idea it would be to have a goal for when I am 40 to try to look as fabulous as possible?" My "turning 40 into fabulous" plan didn't take long to get me to start restricting and be back online looking at "Thinspiration" and clearing out my fridge and pantry.

I gave up smoking pot about 4 days ago and drinking too. I do want to drink socially but think bringing it into the house is where I tend to depend on it too much. I believe I am a borderline addict...well the ED is definitely an addiction, soooo, maybe I AM an addict! LOL
I know where some AA meetings are and printed out the schedule...IDK if I will ever have the guts to go! I have such social anxieties as it is...walking into a meeting like that all alone scares me. I have a friend in recovery who is AWESOME but I am afraid to ask her to come with me. What if I don't really want sobriety and I go back to my old ways? I don't want someone watching me all the time and making me feel guilty, etc...

Other than that I am: an actress and a seamstress & artist. I live in Los Angeles but am originally from Maine...yup I am an official "Maine-iac" lol
CW: 134 (ugh)
GW: 115 (this is the first goals of many, I am sure!)
HT: 5'3"

Nice to meet you all!
<3 little_self
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013
12:16 pm
Back on LJ
Hi everyone,

I'm Ally - I'm 23 and have anorexia. I have been in recovery for 9 months and now I'm fat. I'm 136 lbs and 5"9'
I feel awful. I just want to lose 10 lbs. 
Monday, November 5th, 2012
7:53 am
ate close to 800 cals yesterday. FAIL! I'm gunna work it off today. wish me luck!anorexicqueenam_i_thin
7:49 am

I'm so nervous to get on the scale you guys. wish me luck today. I don't want to be a cow again. am_i_thinanorexiahomeanorexicqueen

Thursday, October 18th, 2012
10:37 am

Just curious if any of you have fb and wondering if you guys would like to have a private group on there? I don't get on here as much as I want and I don't really get notifications like I do with fb

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Friday, October 12th, 2012
1:43 pm

Well day two of my fasting. Yesterday I had about 100 calories. Today I have had coffee and a cucumber. I am looking to drop weight fast and get back to my lowest. I seen my psychologist yesterday and he wanted to put me back inpatient but I talked my way out if. I'm looking for buddies to help me get through this

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Thursday, October 11th, 2012
9:33 pm

I haven't been on here in forever and I don't know where to start. My depression is getting worse and I feel like a fat cow!! I am taking control from my binges n not gonna give in!!! I need support but everyone around me knows of my past with Ed and says I need to just get over it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011
6:03 pm

Here I am again. Im older now, 27. I need some pro ana friends. No one knows. It hasnt been a decade long struggle its my only freedom.
Today zero calories. I got this.

Current Mood: mellow
11:16 pm
Hi all
I am from Kiev, Ukraine.
Who want to add as your friend. I'm keeping a diary in Russian. I know English, and German.
I write about everything that interested. Most writing about football, biathlon and other sports. Just about Ukraine, and travel.

Add Me ohrimka89
Monday, July 18th, 2011
11:56 pm
 hi im new here!soooo i only have to sayyy that im about now thw size ooff a coww!:/
1:08 pm
SO, I've gained back what I lost bc of vacation and family stuff making a cheat turn into a binge nightmare.
BUT I could definitely have gained more, I have a plan and a grocery list, and honestly where I usually feel like dying, I feel great and totally optimistic and in control.
Here's to losing 80 pounds by New Year's.
It sounds insane, but it's so possible. And I'm doing it.
Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
3:35 am
My shit layout is driving me nuts. Does anyone know how to mess with the html and customize borders and background and such? I used to do it but haven't in years, I don't even know if lj is still compatible with whatever I can't remember doing with it anyway. Halp?!
Tuesday, June 21st, 2011
4:06 am
Binging, ugh my fam and bf.
Regained, some is water weight I hope.
Doing okay with good carbs, what are some lean proteins...that are affordable!?
Wednesday, June 15th, 2011
2:44 am
I still lost from fluctuation, but...
I haven't worked out in the last two days.
And I've sort of binged the past two days.
I don't want to fuck my shit up.
I need to lose more, not a little, not maintain, not gain.
I feel like my 'naughty days' (Saturday, once a week when I allow binge-ish behavior) is messing with me. It's really good to keep me from binging because I deprive myself, and the fluctuation is great to keep metab going. On the other hand it's harder to go back to smaller calories after. Idk if I'm in more danger of binging because I deny myself stuff or allow it.
These binges have still been better than my other binges, or even my other regular days when I was on this hell-ride to fatassery, but I don't want to go back or give up. My control is better but I want it totally back.
I need motivation, support, inspiration...Idk.
Wednesday, June 8th, 2011
10:55 pm
What the fuck with BMR calculator's!? How do I know which are accurate when two websites I compared gave me deficits with an over THOUSAND CALORIE A DAY difference?!
12:57 pm
Yesterday I misread the calories on a package (this brand ALWAYS measures servings per-packet, but this one for some reason was by half packet!?) so I ate 90 cals over my limit! Usually I eat a tiny bit over bc chewy vitamins that I don't count but I was a bit freaked about it. I told myself being obsessive about it was going back to my old habits and the extra calories would probably bolster my metab, and after 10-11 hours sleep (Idk why I slept so long!) I'm down 2 ounces, which is nothing great or to put my nose down at bc at least I didn't gain and still lost something though it could easily be water.
I have a history of struggling with at least sort of bad skin, I got my second chemical peel the other day and am having the worst break out of my life so I'm having these dreams about how vulnerable I feel (I feel so hideous, I'm so fat and my face looks like a lepper or monster ugh!).
I might be about to take a small vacation which is good and bad. My bf and I both need some time away and could use some nice scenery and a break from reality with my awesome family. At the same time I dread being around family and traveling when I'm trying to diet bc they eat like absolute shit. My mom's trying out for a tv show soon though, so I might be able to get her to be good with me. Also, it's crazy hot up there and the pool is a public (well, military base) one and being seen in any kind of bathing suit (even though I bought myself a cute 'fatgirl bathing suit' as I call it when I gained- very betty page, leopard thinning onepiece with modesty panel) is terrifying to me. Fortunately I prob have until the end of the month, so I should be somewhat smaller and my skin should be more okay.
I'm just stressed, even though I know I'm changing things, I feel trapped in my grossness lol. To think I used to stress about being 135 or whatever anything below what I am now is so crazy to me- sure, I wanted to lose...but I had so much LESS to lose! I wish I could have that good a starting point now. I just feel totally hideous and disgusting. I actually feel bad for my bf. I wanna be pretty again :(
Tuesday, June 7th, 2011
1:11 pm
Day four of my new losertown-inspired dietplan. I'm down from my hw about 8/9lbs, down from my starting for this one about 4lbs.
I haven't been able to stick to a plan this well since before my last recovery (which ended in insane gain and my highest weight by far).
So far doing it the healthy way is sticking. I'm consuming about 700 cals a day, working out a little everyday, eating nutritional stuff, and not falling into old crazy restrictive, obsessive workouts mode.
This is the first time I haven't either gone overboard with restricting/fasting/working out or gone overboard with binging and gaining and doing nothing.

It feels good but it's still hard. I'm scared of Saturday, which is my first weekly 'naughty' day. I know eating something I'm craving once a week is good for my metab as well as psyche, but I'm scared it'll trigger binging.
I'm totally obsessed with this girl http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/ !
She's my height and my goalweight (5'8, 108), and her hw (214) was 21 pounds above mine (193), and she lost it in a year (111 at least)!
She did it TOTALLY the healthy way (proper diet and exercise), although she says she doesn't have an ED she's really obsessive with food and workouts and I personally believe she's at least orthorexic.
I'm scared bc I'm eating less cals than she did, and I want the no-yo-yo experience she's having...but I also want to lose the weight by 2012 and the plan I'm on should have it all off by November/December of this year.
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